Hannah v. Her partner

He has not initiated physical affection in eight months and says everything is fine.

“I have counted. The last time he reached for my hand first was a Saturday in October. I have brought it up three times. Each time he says nothing is wrong, that he loves me, that I am imagining the gap. We hug because I initiate. We kiss goodnight because I lean in. I do not know what to call this without making it bigger than he is willing to let it be.”

“Work has been hard. I am tired. I am not pulling away on purpose — I am just not in the same body I was a year ago. I love her. I show it in other ways. She is keeping a tally and turning it into a verdict.”

You are not being accused of cruelty. You are being accused of absence, and you are responding to that accusation with a resume of your intentions. That is not a defense. Hannah is not keeping a tally to punish you — she is keeping a tally because it is the only way she can hold onto evidence that something real is happening. When someone has to count to prove they are not imagining their own loneliness, the partner who says 'nothing is wrong' is not comforting them. He is gaslighting them, however gently, however unintentionally.

1. I.I. The defendant does not dispute the eight months. He disputes its meaning. The Court finds the meaning is not in dispute.
2. II.II. 'I show love in other ways' is a statement about the defendant's preferences, not Hannah's experience. These are not the same thing.
3. III.III. Hannah has raised this three times. The defendant has responded with reassurance rather than change. Reassurance without change is its own kind of withdrawal.
4. IV.IV. Plaintiff, notice that the anger is not about the hand-holding. The anger is about not being believed when you said you were hurting.
5. V.V. The defendant is tired and disconnected from his own body. The Court accepts this as true. It does not excuse the dismissal.